I actually feel kindda bummed right now. And I think it's because I am so tired. Lately I am not sleeping much. But I am already tired for a month and the previous three weeks a slept a lot. Like a lot.
And I am like bummed for a lot of reasons. Since like I really have the feeling I lost a lot of friends with leaving a certain group. And you know I thought they really were my friends you know. But now I don't hear of them anymore. Besides ... I don't think they liked me that much. I mean I always thought they found other people to be more fun than me.
It's not like I blame them. I mean ... I am really serious and my humour is very limitted. I make stupid jokes, rarely and I can't laugh with a lot of things. I am really really serious. And eventhough I try to be nice ... It doesn't seem to be enough? Because ... really I am a nice person. I know so, a lot of people tell me that. I have no reason to think they're lying.
I am pretty straight forward though. I guess people can't exactely deal with that?
Also someone asked if they were intimidating and I told them yes and they were like I am probably more intimidated by you than you by me. And I was really surprised. Like me intimidating? I never heard such a thing before and I began asking people like where does this come from?! So yeah like someone else said it was because I am straightforward and use really short sentences to reply.
I am sorry. But my communication skills really turned for the worse since I hit puberty and got depressed. When I was in primary, I swear I talked to everyone. Oh look a lady in the corner, totally a crap load older than me, she looks lonely, goes talk to them. I swear I was like that. Now I don't even dare to approach anyone.
I feel like I am a burden to anyone I start talking to. Everyone probably has better things to do than give me attention.
And you know that feeling sucks. Certainly if you desperately want to make new friends, but you're not getting there. And people around you like progress so much faster and become friends on a shorter time span even when I was there before. And I am just like oh wow, I wanted to be their friend too, seems like no one likes me as much as I like them! To be honest I like most people a real lot from first glance when it comes to the internet. It takes a lot more time for me to warm up irl. I am a lot more reserved too than on the internet.
It's really hard to make friends. -whine- Like friends friends. Not people with who you talk and they like cast you aside so easily. I thought with joining new groups it would work. I really liked the people in Gallery Walk, but ... and now it's on hiatus ... I hope the founder feels okay ...
Also I am just really doen with running around people like a puppy because I like them and want to be their friend. I talk to them but they get easily "distracted" or don't even reply. Do you know how much that hurts? Or people to whom I talk, I want to be their friend, they're really nice to me and some call me their friend, but when time comes they never start talking to me. And it's not like they're MISSING me either.
Also just I once read on this page they'd never make a box where they'd "collect" their friends in, because it could hurt people. And them right it does. When you have friends, who you think about that they're your good friend. But your not a good enough friend in their eyes to be put on their page. THANK YOU, BITCHES! I FEEL ABSOLUTELY GREAT!
So much anger from that. Well more like disappointment. And there's sadness too.
It's really hard for me to know who my real friends are, you know. I am building an rp group and the people I asked to help are people I mostly know of that they like me as much as I like them. In any case if it isn't ... I kindda just hoped, you know.
And yes, if you're not there but think you should be there. I am sorry you shouldn't. Because you don't treat me as nicely as I tried to treat you or you just abandonned me or I feel like you did. Though I didn't ask a few people because I think they have no time to help me out. That could be a reason too.
All in all am I really just ... that difficult to like?